the last day of the year

this is it for 2011.

I pray that 2012 is the year that we turn into a family.

stuck.

We were moving right along. One test after another. And then we came to a screeching halt.
2011 will not be the year that I conceive. I know it sounds stupid, and I know that if things had gone as I had originally planned, I still would not have conceived in 2011. But it just felt so much like I would. It seemed like fate/nature/God/whoever pulls the puppet strings, was giving me such a green light.

My insurance (who I had previously been singing praises for) had denied my medication. So... now my only options are IUI or IVF (or pay out of pocket, which we can't do).

I'm going to call my RE to set up an appointment to discuss IUI. I'm finding it hard to keep up my positive thoughts. I feel discouragement lurking around every corner.

I kept help but think: I turned 29 this year. And I thought I'd be pregnant by now.

testing... testing... 1...2...

On Tuesday I went in for my day 3 blood work and first trans-vaginal US.

It took her FOR-EV-ER to find my left ovary. And it was really, really uncomfortable. She kept apologizing because it was causing so much pain. But she finally found it.

Blood work was within normal limits and the US was unremarkable. It did show what we'd expected a TON of follicles -- 43! Which completely confirmed the PCOS.

Tomorrow I go for my HSG. I'm kind of stressing about it. I've never had it done before (obviously), and do not know what to expect. I hear it can be painful.

But it's all one more step on the way to pregnancy.

I did start my prenatal vitamins... yuck. They make me burp. Which really isn't all that attractive and that seems kind of counterproductive. "hello lover {BURP}". Niiiice.

I'm mushy over my husband...

Last night the hubby and I went out to dinner (Veteran's could eat free at Applebees -- happy Veteran's Day to my hubby). He spotted a baby in the restaurant and he squeezed my hand and said "Did you see the baby?"

I love that he is loves babies. I love that he wants a little one of our own. I love knowing, with out doubt, that he will be a great father. I can't wait for the day when I get to see him holding and loving on our baby. Sigh....

Oh an exciting note my period decided to show up -- ON IT'S OWN! Without the add of Provera! I have my blood work and US scheduled for Monday! I thought I wouldn't have a cycle this month - and I'd be scheduling my blood work in December!

Our Appointment!

Our appointment went so well today! Now we have a real plan - a map - a sense of direction.

This is the plan:

I will start the Prenatal Vitamins this week. Hubby is going to deposit his sample this week (heehee). And we will start the genetic testing ASAP (we've opted for just me to be tested at this point, if I don't carry any of the genetic mutation traits, then there is no need for hubby to be tested. If I have any of the traits, we'll test him. And if he has the traits, too, then we'll figure out what we want to do).
It takes up to 3 wks for the results to come back. In the meantime, we will continue doing what we've been doing -- planning for Germany.

While I am in Germany, I'm going to start the 10 day dose of Provera to jump start my period. I'll start it - and then when I get back, my period should show up - and then I'll do the blood work and the HSG test (dye test).

Then... we wait. We wait to see what those results show.
If we do not have any questions then we will move on the step 2 --- our Injection Class. (as my hubby thinks he would feel more comfortable having an instructor show him how to shoot his wife!)

And then, we'll start Clomid.

I feel relieved that we actually have a plan - a real plan. And now I know that there is a "BIG picture" after all.


this is the beginning of a very big adventure, and I have one heck of man to take this journey this with. :)

good news!

My insurance company ROCKS!


Just another "green light"! :)

Just 1...

We have one week until our appointment. One little week. One teeny, tiny, little, LONG week until we have a real plan.

Oh, little week --- put some lead in it! Speed up!


I'm becoming increasingly anxious to get this ball moving!

the path so far

I wad diagnosed with PCOS in 2006

started seeing an Endocrinologist in 2007

decided to do a trial of OCP (oral contraceptive pills) to give my ovaries a "break" in 2007 - blood work finally looked normal (thanks to the pills)

went off the pills on 12/19/2009 (my sister's wedding)

had a cycle in 1/2010, got my hopes up - maybe the trial of OCP worked! Maybe my body had worked it all out! woo-hoo

another cycle in 2/2010 - even more excited! Was certain that my body was finally on track!
no further cycle after 2/2010.

Given Provera in 6/2010 and then again in 9/2010, and then again in 1/2011 -- clearly, my body/hormones were not tricked by the pills. awesome.

Several Endo appointments later and several attempts to try Metformin and Actos. (unsuccessful, needless to say).


Decided I no longer wanted to see Endocrinologist in 8/2011.

I decided to go to a Fertility Specialist - appointment scheduled in 9/2011 for 11/8/2011.


Now we wait.

the first post

there is excitement and a little dread when it comes to creating "the first post". What should I say? How do I start it? Who is really going to read this?

I need a place to spill my thoughts, my fears, my excitement as my husband and I begin this journey, as we take real steps in this big adventure.

We are scheduled to see a Fertility Specialist in a few weeks. I'm nervous. What if it doesn't work the first time? The second time? or ever?
We sat down and filled out or "new patient paperwork" yesterday morning. Answering the TOUGH QUESTIONS - the questions that nobody wants to answer, or admit. The big stuff.

Here is what I was able to learn from my paperwork:
--I drink too much caffeine (that was hard to admit, and hard to put the number on the paper - wow, time to give up my second and third cup of coffee and my afternoon pick-me-up soda)
--I don't know nearly enough about my family history
--I know way more than my husband does about HIS family history (thanks mother-in-law!)
--I now know that I need to track everything (and I do mean *everything*)
--I'm so ready for a little bundle of my own (which I already knew but wanted to add again, for the record)

I'm ready for this. Now... November just needs to HURRY UP and get here so we can get this started!