everywhere...

babies (specifically twins) are EVERY WHERE. I swear, I pick up a book that has NOTHING to do with fertility, and the main character delivers twins. I turn on a movie, and the woman has twins. I flip through a magazine, and there is a section about twins. I get Chinese food, and my fortune cookie is two cookies in one package - twins?

We joke that doing fertility treatments will give us multiples.

I said "JOKE".

but I wonder....

I just wonder.....

....and I kind of hope.

and even though I freak out at the thought of it all, I think, it wouldn't be so bad.

today was spent having a really good religious debate/discussion with a man who really knows his bible-stuff. He asked me a loaded question, a question that I've yet to shake...he asked me:

if you never have a baby, will you still be able to believe in God?

and I can't answer that. I want to say that yes, yes I will still believe. Still Love. Still desire Him. --- but in the back of my mind is that small voice that says: but you'll be resentful. But you'll have angst. You'll be even more discouraged.

I hate that I'm starting my year feeling discouragement. But this is hard journey and it takes a toll on me.